The Sozzled Mumble

To make matters worse I just said to the fella:

"What's the matter with thee?"

I have been in Yorkshire way too long...........

Today has been one of those days when you know you should have trusted your own judgement and not gone out.

Almost got murdered on the way to Leeds today.

Whilst driving, some bloody woman, who was 'up my arse' to begin with overtook me on an outside lane. Not content on being 'up my arse' she decided to continue her journey going 'up the arse' of the poor driver in front of her - speeding may I add. Now, the lane she went into merges with my lane so instead of speeding up a little to get in front of me or slowing down a jot to get in behind, she decided to turn her steering wheel to her immediate left. This resulted in almost careering into my little car.

I took a very British stance on this incident by calling her a 'fucking silly bitch' whilst waving my arms around like a windmill. To which she had an, 'oops a daisy' face on. Almost murdered, and she 'oops a daisy's' me.

Once I got to Leeds (I only really wanted to got to the Topshop there because its the largest one in Yorkshire) I (made the grave mistake) of parking in an NCP. I forgot it was Friday and not Saturday - so sue me!!

Upon return to my car 2 hours later (after buying nothing but a couple of rolls of film and some batteries for my camera) I put my little card into the paying machine, then a horrible thing happened - a little thief snuck up behind me wih his swag bag and charged me £20, sorry I mean £19, for the pleasure of parking. I could have bought 2 bottles of the Famous Grouse for that.

Then, barely out of the parking area a man tried to commit suicide by walking in front of my car with wild abandon. Then, I got a dirty look.

The moral of the story is - don't go to Leeds. It hates you.

Went to a battle re-enactment over the weekend. Not too sure what to make of it. It was all very theatrical which I love and they all took it (far too??) seriously. Something about it doesn't sit quite right. I'm told it's living history so teaches us lots of interesting things.....but all I learnt was that guns and cannons are very loud indeed.

There was also a hog-roast which looked spectacular, promising intense exciting flavours but tasted, well, like pork!

Hair-trial and dress alterations were successful. Apart from the brides hair - supposed to have been lovely loose curls but it ended up a bit Hot Fuzz.

Flew for the first time from Robin Hood Sheffield Doncaster Airport......or is that Doncaster Sheffield Robin Hood Airport....or is it Robin Doncaster Sheffield Hood Airport? Didn't like it as much as I like Leeds Bradford Airport - a bit sterile. Anyway, I landed in George Best Belfast City Airport......or is that Belfast City George Best Airport......to me its just 'the city' - if anyone asks me where im flying into I say 'the city' and sometimes just 'city.'

Win - the gift of winning - by answering me this quesion:

Why have we named our (excellent) city airport after a drunk, wife-beating, wasted 2 livers, football player who wasn't really that good?

I am looking forward to the re-naming of all other airports - Chris Moyles Leeds Bradford Airport; Liam & Noel Gallagher Manchester Airport; Lenny Henry Birmingham International Airport.

Seems like you CAN fool a tram conductor twice! Did it again the other day then, with the money I'd saved, bought a paper, some crisps and some choco - £1.33 in total - the tram is £1.30 - so i didn't save anything, was down 3p and ate a pile of crap. Great.

Eastenders is away from the square this week which always makes me feel a little queasy.

With the impending release of the Wispa I have decided not to go ahead with the 'not eating chocolate' plan. It's just stupid.

Home for hair trial (whatever one of those is) and bridesmaid dress adjustments this weekend.

RETURN OF THE WISPA - The Mirror reports that due to the overwhelming demand for wispa bars Cadbury's will have 23 million of them on sale by October 7!

I have little hands but I plan to grab as many of these sexy choco treats as I can.

Lets hope they don't change the recipe.

Page 450 of bluebear - he's reached Atlantis, after crawling through a bollogg's head.

Gave my soaking bathing suit to Eric Cantona in a dream last night - he didn't complain so I ordered us both a coffee - one of those fancy foaming one's.

There has been lots of chocolate talk today. I realise that a large portion of my day is taken up by thinking about chocolate, even when I'm eating it. Now, I'm not a big girl (although I'm convinced that chocolate doesn't actually cause weight gain) so eating chocolate everyday isn't really a huge deal for me. I reason that I don't smoke or do drugs and don't drink (much) so I'm allowed choco every day if I want it.

However, I have never seen me without chocolate. I think the only time I have ever abstained from choco treats is on a Sunday - when I have eaten all my supply and all the shops are closed......ahem.

So, I'm seriously thinking about giving it up for a week in a grotesque 1-person social experiment. 

Over the weekend watched Hannibal Rising & Grudge 2 - creepy creep creep.

Bloody hate shitty football already!!!!

Have been left all alone today and have to put up with silences when the other team scores and uncharacteristic effing and blinding from the boyfriend.

I hate the football season!!!!

Quite happy as the IT Crowd starts up again on 24 August! Although the football seaason has started again so i'm about to be a football widow round about................now.

How ridiculous has eastenders got? The entire eastend police force seemed to have been deployed as well as CID and FBI to chase after numb-nuts-nigel-harman-wannabe Sean Slater. If I was wanted by the police I would definately 'go on the run' round the place where they were looking for me bumping into the neighbours at every turn. This would be the best plan of action. I love eastenders very much and wish they hadn't killed off Angie as I would have loved to have seen Anita Dobson on screen again.

Anita Dobson - I ran away to the London for my 30th birthday and we all went to the theatre to see The Woman in Black (which is f*cking brilliant - go see it) anyway, this theatre is very small indeed - i think it was The Fortune Theatre - and who should be 5 rows in front of me?? My fav actress (next to Sharp and Pacino) Anita Dobson and that fella out of Queen Brian May!! Woo-hoo! She looked awesome and he looked far to big for the miniscule seats. Hair. Everywhere.

Page 273 of Bluebear. He's got out of the mountain and was involved in a chase with a Spiderwitch. There were dimensional diversions and he's about to enter his 9th life.

http://muppets.go.com/games/muppets-flyinggonzo.html

There will be no work taking place on this Friday.

Rode the tram for nothing yesterday morning. I got on, money in hand, ready to pay the conductor but I decided not to make the 'I need to pay you' expectant look and it worked! It was really the conductors fault as he looked sleepy or not bothered. Felt a bit guilty.........tried to do it again today but the b*st*rds were alert as buggery!

Forgot to mention - when I went out for the noodles and drinks I met one of my blokes work mates (who is proper cool) and she is shorter than me. Now I'm quite short - I go around saying that I'm 5ft 1in - although Ive a sneaky feeling I'm shorter than that, anyway, this chick must be AT LEAST 3 inches shorter! I can't cope with this. I'm VERY put out - being the stumpy one is my gig.

On page of 191 of Captain Bluebear and it is still quite amusing. He's trying to find his way out of the complex tunnel system of the Gloomberg Mountains whilst being harrassed by a Troglotroll (yeah its one of those books)

Spent most of yesterday hung-over which I can't really understand as I didn't have loads to drink.....although I did mix which was probably the reason, along with the fact that i am old.

The noodle bar was very nice indeed although there was too much food in one portion. They also didn't do whisky which annoyed me a bit. We then went to a bar/pub called the bungalow bear or something which was full of alternative student looking types and they had whisky.

Managed to get bridesmaid shoes for my sisters wedding in Sept so that's made her happy. They're being posted over to Northern Ireland (for that is where I originate) so my ma can get them dyed along with the other bridesmaid shoes. My how interesting.

Am on page 136 of Captain Bluebear and it's fairly amusing.

Suffering again - I've had a touch of the cold all week - headaches, sore throat, crusty snotty nose. I have an ulcer as well so I can't eat properly. My nobule is slowly disappearing though which is great.

Walked home from work last night instead of getting the tram to see how long it would take. HALF AN HOUR!! and it was roasting for the first time this summer. I hate publc transport but I hate walking even more so tram it is..........god I don't feel well..........

Noodle bar and drinks tonight.